12 Days

Traditionally and historically, the lyrics of the Twelve Days of Christmas carol were 'coded' to tell the story of God's work in the world through the birth of Jesus.

Well, after working through the 'peak season' of holiday on-line shopping via my little part time gig at an Amazon Fulfillment Center... I wrote my version of this little ditty.  Enjoy!

Hint- there is no hidden meaning... only a little fun about the uniqueness and quirkiness of my job which really speaks to how we buy anything and everything from online stores.

"Twelve Days of Peak"

On the twelfth day of peak
Michelle picked at Amazon for me:

12 cans of Pedigree dog food
11 Burt's Bees lip balms
10 pairs of Zombie hands
9 Frozen II toy dolls
8 quarts of 5W30 motor oil
7 reusable sandwich bags
6 Star Wars Lego sets
5 stainless steel straws
4 vegan ladies' hand bags
3 His and Hers Holiday oven mitts
2 pairs of hunting boots
and 1 Make American Great Again baseball hat

Tears, Tea and Tinsel

There are two truths about home.

1) There is no place like home.  (Thanks Dorothy.)

2) You cannot go back home again.  (Thanks Thomas Wolfe.)

As I sit at my writing desk within my newly built home for our first Advent and Christmas, these two truths irritate each other enough that my eyes have leaked tears for the past week.

Anyone else, get weepy at Christmas?

Or am I the only one who tears up when Bing Crosby croons, "I'll Be Home for Christmas"?  I cried while writing addresses on my Christmas cards this year.  I wept at the stoplight in our new (yet old) town.  Water filled my readers so that I could barely see the hymnal as we sang Advent carols while lighting the first lonely candle of Advent.

Truth is that I yearn for home.  My tired, hurting spirit thirsts for the familiar, comfortable, and homey safe space with all the people and faces I have known and loved.  And been loved in return.  Yet, I am aware that heaven has become crowded with more of my 'crew' than it was last year.  It was hard to write "deceased" in my address book as I moved through my Christmas card list.

Every Advent I fear that I am becoming more hypersensitive to suffering, pain, dislocation, injustice, perversion, evil, and deep sadness in people, families, relationships, and our world.  I weep through the news broadcast.  My sensitivity to the atrocities heightens my yearning for "home" almost to a state of panic.

Truth is I cannot go back home.  Our relocation to a small growing suburb west of Indianapolis is now the third time I have lived in this community.  I can tell you that I am home- but I have not come back home again- because this town and it's people are not the same (and also somewhat the same). Too much has shifted within me and this community (how many cornfields can grow into subdivisions?!) for everything to be exactly what it once was.

Again, it is in this unique season of waiting- preparing- hoping- longing that my spirit attunes to the sense that humans are spiritual creatures and therefore, we are not supposed to go "home again".  That simply is nostalgia but not our nature.  Instead we are designed for a bigger, broader and higher destination of 'home'.

As my garland tinsel twinkles on this unusual sunny winter morning and my tea simmers next to me, perhaps my tears speak more than any words can express.

My tears tell me that these two truths may irritate one another causing friction and angst.  But then, again these truths may also help you and I do the work together within our souls - to focus on who/where/what is our true eternal home...and our deep, deep longing to be there in all fullness.

"As the deer long for the water-brooks, so longs my soul for you, O God.

my soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God, 

when shall I come to appear before the presence of God?  

My tears have been my food day and night, while all day long they say to me, "where now is your God?"  I pour out my soul when I think on these things, 

how I went with the multitude and led them into the house of God.

With the voice of praise and thanksgiving, among those who keep holy-day.  

Why are you so full or heaviness, O my soul? and why are you so disquieted within me? Put your trust in God, for I will yet give thanks to him, who is the help of my countenance, and my God." Psalm 42:1-7

Yes, there is no other place quite like home.

Yes, you cannot return home again because you and I are meant for home.

The Writing Before Me

What a gift of affirmation for me, when someone asks, "So, what are you writing about now?"

That question was presented to me by dear friends last week which got me to thinking;  "What have I been writing about these last few weeks?"

Here's my list...

1) The outline for my non-fiction book along with three sample chapters has been started.  I am in the content/editing phase of those chapters. Then, I need to buckle down and fill in the chapter summaries!  I have a long way to go on this project, but I am excited about the direction, tone, and content of my writing plans.

2) Our Life Fuel Retreat Ministry launched and we've already received several bookings.  So, my dear co-leader, Rhonda, and I are busy writing, organizing, and preparing retreat curriculum and content!  Exciting things are happening with this ministry!!

3) My annual thanksgiving list will be written in the next week so stay tuned for that letter of gratitude.  And after that, the family Christmas letter will be a must on my To Do List.  Those letters bring me to the final area of my writing lately...

4) Correspondence: emails, texts, and notes; also have preoccupied my writing time.  Communication, communication, and more communication makes the wheels of the world go around and around!

And when I am not writing, I am in the Word.  In late summer I re-introduced the Daily Office to my prayer and mediation time.  Meditating on sacred writings feeds my spirit so that my writing flows.

What writing is before you?

Exhaustion Wars

Long days that turn into long nights which turn into long weeks is often the normative for pastoral ministry. 

Multiple phone calls, intense meetings, staff emergencies, building crisis-es, fundraising efforts as well as faith-raising challenges, mission and outreach endeavors, and not to mention the on-going care of persons- spiritually, emotionally, and physically as your congregation 'ages' into senior saints is the short list of a pastor's responsibilities. 

Pastor are not the only vocations who are worn out- emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually- by the huge adaptive challenges we face daily. 

Care-giving vocations which impact our communities at their core such as teachers, police officers, nurses, social workers, mental health professionals, fire fighters, and EMT's experience the 'squeeze' of the shifting times, attitudes, and weight of care-giving within our American culture. 

I wish I could remember what lecture I attended when I heard the speaker say, "It takes a person 48-72 hours to recover and re-stabilize from a strongly intense, emotional interaction."  Hmm.  48-72 hours of recovery time. 

So, when I was in a season of pastoral ministry in which I presided over 31 funerals in 36 months (and those thirty-one funerals did not include the deaths of my father, my best friend's husband, and the death of our beloved golden Labrador retriever); I remember trying to ascertain if there was even enough calendar days between such events to 'recover and re stabilize'. 

Simply put, the vintage photo of the exhausted woman above looks a lot more put together than I ever did recovering and moving on during that season of leadership.  LOL!

Compare that with the kind of exhaustion which is picture to the right.  Physical labor is tough on the body and the mind. 

Last week during a 4.5 hour shift I walked 11,000 steps!  Whew- again the woman on the right looks better than I did after lifting totes and moving merchandise all over a 1 million square foot warehouse. 

Yet, what I am re-learning during my season of laboring in the "Amazon"... is that my recovery from exhaustion is much swifter than it ever was when I labored in God's vineyard. 

The lesson in all this is not to avoid care-giving. People of our world need pastors, teachers, fire-fighters, social workers, mental health counselors, rabbis and imams more than ever!  The need is so very GREAT!  And many of us are well wired, trained, and equipped for this great work! 

The lesson for me is that there are different kinds of tired and so too there are different modes of recovery... perhaps if the care-givers of our world are laboring so heavily... they need more frequent or deeper seasons of respite.  Or naps.

Naps are good for any kind of tired.

Boards with Sticky Stories: The Myth of Storyboarding Undone

You have seen them.  Probably heard about them.  Fiction writing fanatics often swear by them.

They are story boards.

Yep.  And to the left is my very fist attempt at one.

You may have wondered what happened to all my writing.  Why hasn't she posted on Facebook?  What is her latest thing?  What's going on?

All the answers to your questions as well as my current non-fiction project are color coded and slapped (somewhat straight) onto this tri-fold of card board.  Post It sticky notes covered me last week as I attempted to de-myth or de-bunk all the funky hype about story boards.

So, here's my executive summary aka the scoop.

I LOVE story boards!

First, who does not enjoy fresh office supplies?!  Mmmm- smell that collated paper and highlighters fresh in the morning?!  Ahhh.

Secondly, instead of fourteen different sheets of notebook paper and three thousand paper napkin notes my book can been seen in one place!  WOW!  Look at that.  (Wish it could write itself, but that is not happening.)  And so easy to move things around... stick chapter here.  Nope, move that over there.

C, (who wants to be consistent with numbering anyway) with my book laid out in front of me- chapters, sections, themes, scripture references, etc. the 'holes' appear.  Fortunately and unfortunately, the gaps in my writing or the logic are frightfully apparent so there is no going back and 'hiding them'.  My story board work has unstuck the writing blocks because I know exactly what needs to be tackled next.  There you have it- a board of stickiness so that my 'story' the flow of my book makes sense and will help others.  Hooray!

If you need me over the next few weeks- find me near my big board or back at Wal Mart buying more office supplies!

What's the Deal with Rejection?!

I suppose rainy days and rejection notes should go together like Nutella and bananas or football games and fleece jackets.

As my gutters gush with falling water this afternoon, I admit that my inbox has gushed recently with lots of incoming messages.  The content is similar.  Often sounds like the same writer has sent the messages because the notes contain "no", "no thank you", "not right for us", "um, maybe you should focus more", and the more cavalier: "we've had too many of these kinds of submissions lately.  Message us next year".  Really?!?!  The Reagan's 1980's anti-drug Just Say NO Campaign is in full swing in my writing life!

I suppose I could get depressed.  I could stop writing.  I could just freeze up and hold everything back.

The problem is that almost twenty years ago I made a weird decision.  I decided that rejection was normal for creative artists to receive and so to 'normalize' the experience of rejection I would instead choose to collect rejection emails, texts, or letters as badges of courage.  Goofy, I know.  Rejection = badges of courage.

But there is something about the 'turn' and 'twist' of this decision which compells me to keep writing! And keep trying.  Like Dorie, who did help find Nemo, I just keep swimming...

A colleague says I have perseverance.  My high school counselor back in 1987 called me stubborn.  My husband agrees with both.

So, here I am writing again while it rains

Rejection- bring it on, baby.

Begging Poem-Prayer

The following is from a series of poem-prayers that were inspired during a retreat awhile back.  Long conversations could be had about the intersections of spiritual poverty and physical poverty.  This intent of this poem-prayer was to consider spiritual poverty...from a different angle.

Begging V

Lord, I asked, how shall I pray?

-silence came-

Lord, I asked, how shall I pray?

-silence remained-

Lord, I argued, you tell me to be a woman of prayer.  Now, how shall I pray?!

-remember the poor, replied the Lord.

-be poor that I am rich.

But Lord, I asked, how shall I pray?

Then an image of a beggar woman stooped and dressed in gray rags flashed in my mind.

In her small bowl laid a crumb of bread and a drop of oil.

Lord, I asked, what is this? Who is this woman?

Pathetic, pitiful, degrading she crawled through the trash rummaging for a little

Lord?!

-Be poor.  Carry little, that you are rich in me.  And that I carry you.

-silence returned.

Lord, i begged, how shall i pray?

Amazonian Woman

I am an Amazonian Woman!

Truthfully, this can be said about me not because I hail from the Amazon rain forest of our southern hemisphere (born in Indiana) and not just because I dressed as Wonder Woman last Halloween for our Trick-r-Treaters (can send pics later); but because I now work for Amazon.

Considered one of the big four companies in technology, this Seattle Washington based company has one of their many fulfillment centers about 13 minutes from my new home in central Indiana.

New again to our community, my husband and I considered getting gym memberships.  One of our goals with this life season was to get healthy, lose some weight, and just get our bodies moving.  So when the appeal for seasonal workers to 'pick' merchandise and prepare it for shipment came- it was too easy.

Get paid to walk miles for hours and put in lots of squats?!  SOLD!

Working out for my wine money, sister.  Win. Win. Win.

I could not write the irony and jokes any better that as a pastor-spiritual director-writer I work in a fulfillment center as a "picker".  LOL.  In other words I am a personal shopper for thousands of people, helping them find fulfillment in the product they purchased.  Interesting on so many levels, isn't it?!

And no, I know what you're gonna ask.  I do not dress in sexy, beautiful brass and gold breast plates like the above ladies for my 'workout' shifts.  If we're honest here, and I want to be; ...my look resembles this...

Sweaty, ponytail, and no make up!

Yep- this is how I am conquering the world- one pick at a time.  Wine will not drink itself.

But, hey, we all gotta find satisfaction somehow.  Right?!

Where or how do you find fulfillment?

Why I Write...

...because everyone has the potential to bloom! My passion is to engage persons in contemplative wonder and prayer so that they bloom within their ordinary, everyday lives with God’s great grace. Your life story unfolds within the Greatest Story Ever Told which shows how powerful words are! Each of us can blossom into people of hope and compassion!

You may have noticed my affinity for beautiful, fragrant, and brilliantly bold cherry blossoms. They are called sakura in Japan. These trees were originally native to various portions of Asia such as China, Japan, South Korea and India. Today we enjoy these amazing blooming trees in North American including our U.S. capital.

Cherry blossoms have traditionally aided persons to become contemplative as they stop to wonder at life. Admiration for the spring bloom of these blossoms dates back centuries in Japan and is known as a ceremonial tradition of hanami (cherry blossom-viewing). During the limited two-week bloom, the community gathers to consider the brilliance, fragility and transient nature of life. In other words, these unique beautiful blooms remind us in their time, to pay attention and be passionate about life’s brilliance!

Attentiveness and awareness could be like the front porch of our spiritual life with Christ. Without focus, we would miss where and how Jesus speaks with us through sacred scripture, music, natural world, or the gift of human relationships; and thus invites into making a home with Him.

Cherry blossoms serve for me, therefore, as a reminder to “pay attention” to Christ’s passion within my own life so that I can fully bloom as His grace shapes me. My prayer for you is that you too seek to deepen your relationship with Christ so that your witness and service to Him bears great fruit: bloom with passion!

To learn more- visit me at https://www.facebook.com/bloomwithpassionmichellelknight/?modal=admin_todo_tour

Winifred's Witness

"I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, and for this reason I do not cease to give thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:15-16 

As I entered the dimly lit nursing home room, my heart paused a beat to see how small Winifred had become.  Curled up under her thin blanket she barely resembled the energetic, strong-willed leader I had known while I was in high school and college.  I had always admired this faith-giant because of her commitment to strengthen our church’s compassion in the world. 

Widowed and without adult children or grandchildren, Winifred now lived alone in the nursing home.  We shared news about my young family and our common church family.  Tears came to her eyes as she sadly stated, “Oh, I wish I had done more for the Lord!”  I asked her what more would she have accomplished.  She said, “I never really did anything.”  Politely as I could, I told this woman two generations older than I, that I disagreed with her. 

Then, I reminded Winifred of all the ways she had served not just our church, but our larger community.  She was passionate about missions and education for women.  She spent countless hours organizing and fundraising for various charities, but most of all, I thanked her for her ability to put together people who could make a difference for others.  She could build and create great teamwork.  She was the church leader who made sure I received mission scholarships which ultimately led me to pursue my vocational call into ministry. 

After the long list of stories tumbled out, Winifred’s winning smile open up wide!  In silence she patted my hand over and over, barely whispering, “Oh, thank you. I had forgotten all that”.  Out of the corner of the room, we heard the voice of her roommate holler, “Wow- gosh, I had no idea I had such an awesome roommate!”  All three of us giggled. 

Yes, when we forget what we have done for the Lord, we need another servant to come along beside us to help us remember just how much God’s Spirit has changed us to impact others. 

Precious Lord, help me remember how your Spirit has moved through me.  Most of all, help me encourage others who may have forgotten the witness they have been and are for you so that we can give you thanks.  In your sweet name, Amen. 

Who will you encourage today by remembering?

Sacred Rhythms

What if sacredness’s rhythm is idiosyncratic? Or in the words of a teenager, “Sacredness has a weird rhythm all its own.”  The sacred does not maintain a hair-tossing ‘80’s rock band beat nor a quick step bossa nova beat of the ‘60’s.  What if what is sacred marches to its own unusual pulse?

I know a bit about keeping time.  As one of two women in our college percussion section, I majored in rhythm.  My percussion study in the 1990’s included a lot of instruments from timpani to vibraphone and from triangle to claves.  Percussionists or drummers might be likened to playing a mile-wide worth of instruments (I even performed on a paper bag once, for goodness sake!), but at an inch of depth.  So perhaps you could say that I know the most about how to make a brilliantly stupid mistake sound and look like it was meant to be! 

One thing remains unmistakable: drummers drum.  We keep time so that others around us can march, dance, or ‘noodle’ over our solid groove. Drummers along with a steady bass player, keep things in sync while saxophones wail and throaty sopranos croon the blues. Drummers, if they are worth their pay, keep things tight.

Tidiness might be what drew me into the percussion section many decades ago.  Neat and tidy is often the opposite of life’s unpredictability and instability.  Who does not desire a sense of security within the fickleness of life?!  Safe space is created when a solid groove keeps on going. Why do you think thousands of people flock to ‘revel’ and ‘worship’ at the feet of great rock bands even though they know all the songs by memory and have heard the band perform them before?  It is the experience of the music performed which captures human being’s souls, I think.  The atmosphere and environment created by good quality music suspends life’s time clock which then creates a sacred moment uniquely its own.     

This kind of experience reveals something to us about the nature of our God.  God in Jesus: who is beyond time, in time, and through time; moves to a unique beat.  God’s eternal timing and my finite timing by their very natures cannot be the same.  That is probably why earlier theologians in the Christian church differentiated human time as Kronos from God’s timing as Kairos. I imagine God chuckles at humanity’s insane need to subdivide time (which is a measurement we established ourselves) into small and large segments as if we can ‘manage’ it any better.  Indeed, the Divine pulses differently than we do.    

You may have already noticed this difference of rhythm within your own prayer life.  I have.  Sometimes I am frustrated that God moves too slowly in my life to answer a petitioned prayer or rid me of an annoying sinful habit which I would like removed yesterday; please and thank you!  There are other moments in which God’s timing accelerates rapidly into my neatly organized plans and that the mess sounds like 6^th grade band students trying to perform an accelerando together for the first time!  If you have not attended a 6^th grade band concert, then imagine 500 honking geese flocking to their summer home before a major storm. Yes, the rhythm of the sacred is peculiar into itself and unlike any hip hop, reggae, funk or other human-created back beats.    

I will never forget when my percussion instructor taught us a lesson on timing that later became a wisdom moment for me.  During a percussion ensemble rehearsal when our counting became tangled over one another he said, “Interest in music is created through the pauses. This is why rhythm is an essential element in music along with tone and harmony.  Therefore, give the pause it’s due.”  Then he turned up the metronome’s volume as we tried to perform the troubling section again. 

Give the pause it’s due.  Not too fast.  Not too slow.  Let it be what it is.  When I pause in my frustration that God is not responding as quickly or as slow as I would prefer; I remember percussion ensemble rehearsal.  I give the pause or rhythm between God and me it’s due.  After all I am not the Maestro: God is.  God sets the rhythm and tempo of answered prayer, newly opened doors, healing, spiritual growth in myself or someone I love. 

My timing is not God’s timing, but maybe my time here on earth is to learn more about God’s rhythmic style than my own.  Or possibly I simply need to honor God as the kind of Divine Drummer God is!  Rock on, Jesus!  Rock on!

Sharing from the Table

What a wonderful opportunity that the Northwest Indiana Times gave me to share this essay which they published on my last Sunday in the 'da region! 

https://www.nwitimes.com/opinion/columnists/guest-commentary/guest-commentary-confession-from-the-god-squad-table/article_1285aa67-2f54-58b7-9313-e156e27324aa.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=user-share&fbclid=IwAR1d0YQTwcWGTAGrNOG7ZuKWolg262WelvErY_HAWgVKpNjZJbu7koH_uZk

Living into the NEW

Some of my friends have been dutifully checking on me since I am now into the 2nd month of my major life/career/vocation switcheroo! Nice to know people care!

I have been remiss on updates and reflections of what it has been like to live in a new house with a new town, new school, new puppy, and new vocation/job/career direction.  So here is an update...

1. began a different spiritual discipline routine
2. spent month of July unpacking home (no more boxes)
3. got teen ready for 9th grade and launched into high school (sniff, sniff)
4. sat for an afternoon and just listened
5. hosted 3 generations of extended family for a massive reunion
6. attempting (but not yet successful) potty training/house breaking of new mini golden doodle puppy
7. forced family to eat new recipes...husband 4-4; teen daughter 3-4!
8. wrote and submitted 2 devotionals
9. wrote and submitted 1 blog post
10. wrote and submitted 2 meme/photo inspirational posts
11. pondered deep thoughts from a comfy couch in which I feel asleep
12. guest preached at grandparent's former church
13. dreamed weird and bizarre dreams
14. found vet, dry cleaner, UPS store, grocery store, dog groomer, ice cream places, new fav restaurants, and pizza place, etc. 
15. met the neighbors (at least the nice ones and talk to us outside while telling puppy, to "poop, poop, please!")
16. re-connected with spiritual direction community
17. read a novel about murder
18. spent a day crying
19. began plans to co-write and direct women's spiritual renewal retreats
20. took a lot of naps
21. began some grant writing work for a wonderful non-for-profit
22. cleaned up too many puppy messes
23. oh and lots and lots of laundry

After watching a Live at Yellowstone National Park episode on National Geographic I find sweet companionship with the fish who swim up stream this season of the year to spawn. All of my high school and college girlfriends are returning to the work force after being home with their kiddos, etc.  And here I am moving against the current to be a stay-at-home wife/mother/writer, etc.  Gotta laugh at that!

And yes, I do find the adjustment awkward or wonderful depending on the moment you ask me, "How's it going?"

But, hey, thanks for asking!

A Dream Church- Thank you to Ridge UMC, Munster, Indiana!

The following poem, A Dream Church, I wrote in November of 2014 as I was in prayerful discernment about God's next calling in and on my vocation.  I had not yet met the people of Ridge UMC nor knew how we would be connected in ministry by early 2015 (my family and I arrived in July of 2015).   

My heart was full on Sunday June 30, 2019 as I shared this poem with the congregation as a part of our farewell.  Our God moves in amazing ways to connect us to one another for God's greater purpose!  Just- wow! 

A Dream Church

I dream a church to shepherd…

where kiddos with donut smudged faces sit at Jesus’ knee,

while tattooed young adults clasp Grandma’s gnarled hand in the dripping candlelight of Christmas Eve;

and where the old men fuss over the dreams of teens

as much as toddlers cling to the legs of blue-haired warriors of prayer;

A church where life’s joys and sorrows soak into each other like bread in the cup, fulfilling the truth that best of all; God = Emmanuel!

                                                                                                                                                                            

I dream a church…

imperfect and messy, plodding and deliberate in movement,

compassionate and gossipy, sassy and humorous, mentally ill and quirky;

            made of bent, but not broken people,

who are sinners in recovery toward sainthood, and

saints in recovery from their hypocrisy.

Church who is lukewarm and resilient, strong and uncertain,

passionate and weary, but always a leaning church…

leaning deep into the wide and buoyant grace of God.

A church poised in her past yet, ready to pounce into the unfolding of God’s vision. 

I dream a church…

who has not valued the yet-to-be abundant harvest from Her neighbor soccer fields, ball diamonds, and dance classes;

who yearn to know how their absence would devastate their community;

who are hungry to live purposefully;

and who may have forgotten Whose they are and Where they are going-

but when reminded - the fire ignites and the people flash into a Pentecost flame!

A church ripe to live another life chapter: together.

Yes, oh yes, I dream big dreams.

I dream a church to shepherd. 

And as any dreamer does: I pray, “Does the church still dream?”

What does the church dream for in a shepherd?

Does She dream for a shepherd-leader-teacher-preacher-prophetic sayer-priest and prayer that is me?

Better yet, when the Church dreams does She also pray like a dreamer asking,

”Does a shepherd still dream?”

May, the God of all Dreamers, grant our dreams to come true. 

A New Mountain is Calling...

February 24, 2019

Dear Ridge Family and friends,

Grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ to you!  I have been so fortunate and blessed to serve as your Senior Pastor for the past four years.  One of my goals upon completion of my Called to Fruitfulness continued education journey was to obtain and work with an executive coach.  Throughout 2018 and into this new year, I have had the wonderful experience of working with a faith-filled, laywoman as my coach.  She helped me ponder the inner whisper I had heard inside myself, “to climb a new, different mountain.” 

As a first career clergywoman who now approaches the unique season of mid-life, I had found myself asking lots of typical mid-life questions.  “Is this all there is?”  “How can I best leverage my gifts for the kingdom?”  “Do I see myself doing this or that for another 10 years? Or in 20 years?”  “If where I am in answering my call is not where I thought I might be; okay, but am I still on the path God has in mind for me?”  These questions were like a blanket of mist which obscured my view of the mountain waiting. 

Our two-week family vacation to Glacier National Park and Yellowstone National Park in July of 2018 really rested, refueled, and fed my spirit.  Hiking those mountains helped me see that I was being led not away from something, but into something new, wild, and unexplored.  I remain tethered to my call as an ordained Elder in the United Methodist and service to the church which serves the world around us.  Yet, in the words of John Muir, Father of the National Parks, author, and naturalist; “the mountains are calling and I must go” echo in my heart chamber. 

As the fog has lifted these past few weeks, I can finally see the mountain clearly.  I am called to answer the call within the call to explore creative writing, spiritual writing, and grant writing.  I am and have always been a writer!  Words are my friend just as The Word is my Savior!  I am undernourished within myself, not because I am at odds with serving as a pastoral leader, but because these creative gifts need more room to bloom.

The wonderful demands of serving a local congregation place limits and confines on the amount of space and energy I have to write, reflect and creatively capture the movement of God’s Spirit.  To know me it is to appreciate that I am an ‘all-in’ kind of gal.  Either I am ‘all-in’ serving as a pastoral leader or I am ‘all-in’ shaping my craft.  I cannot be of two minds as I know I will underserve both and therefore underserve my authentic self in the process.  If I do not explore this mountain, I know I shall regret it later in my life. 

I have asked our Board of Ordained Ministry and the Cabinet of the Indiana Conference to place me on a voluntary leave of absence as of June 30, 2019.  The Bishop, Cabinet, and Board have honored my request.  As I write these difficult words, fear grips my throat while my heart eagerly beats with radiant joy.

I am blessed beyond measure with a supportive, smart, and fun spouse.  Eric is very gifted in his professional craft; and thus he is not just well appreciated but, also well compensated.  With this leap of faith, we plan to live on his income as I explore my new mountain.  A change in our family plan will serve us best if we relocate back to the Indianapolis area where our network of friends and family await us.  Our daughter will begin high school in the fall of 2019 and a move this summer provides Diana with the best opportunity to continue her education.  Thank you for loving your pastor’s family!

Now is moment within Ridge’s ministry filled with great potential, life, and energy for becoming a fully outward focused church!  We not only an amazing staff, but fantastic ‘all-in’ leaders who understand and live into the vision of making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world by offering Jesus’ hope, unconditional love, and meaning for life.  We have done great things together and you will continue great ministry for Jesus! So stay the course of putting others first!

We have much to celebrate and give thanks for in each other.  And we have ministry before us to accomplish yet this spring!  Feel free to call or email me if you’d like a cup of tea, a lunch, or a conversation.  I would relish the opportunity to visit prior to our departure in late June. 

Our Staff Parish Relations Committee will meet with our Superintendent Reverend Larry Whitehead on Monday, February 25, 2019, to develop Ridge’s church profile so that a wonderful new pastor will be chosen and deployed for ministry here beginning in July.  Please pray for our Ridge leaders, staff and one another as we take time this spring for good transitions in leadership and vision.  Please support and affirm Pete Canalia, Connie Kann, Rich Leber, Cheryl Lowery, Diana Rogers, Sue Clausen, Larry Bazarko, and Tom Regnier (chair) who serve on Ridge’s Staff Parish Relations committee as they work with the cabinet to receive and welcome your new pastor.

Again, I am grateful for you.  I love you, but most of all, remember God in Jesus loves you best (and first)!

Blessings and all peace,

Michelle