I have been harshly reminded why spiritual disciplines are called, disciplines. They are hard. Sweat, muscle, thought, action, and initiation are required when you do them. And you often do them even when you do not 'feel like it' or 'want to'.
As my soul slogs it's way through Lent the words "my sin is ever before me" echoes in my brain. I guess that means, in a sense, the spiritual disciples are 'working'. Or at least they are accomplishing what they are supposed to do which is to spur spiritual growth.
In another sense the experience is grueling, uncomfortable, hard, and unglorious. Maybe that too is a more realitsic notion of spiritual growth- not so pretty soul growth. Our culture buys into the instant fix and quick results. We like the 'after' photo without the pain and anguish of the in-between. Or at least I must confess, I do.
Just as I am at a tough spot in my walking for the mini-marathon, I have noticed that my faith life is in a tough place as I attempt to use the examen. Mostly resisting it's use... and poking at it's ideas. "Lord, help me", seems to be the only honest prayer out of any of this.
Give me the grace... for another 6.2 miles. For another look into my soul and discerning how You've been there and at work. Help me, Lord.
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