Behind

Behind in the housework- layers of dust are accumulating to the point that we are splunking to find the floor where are shoes are buried.

Behind in the email, Facebook, Twitter/Tweets, and blog- to the degree that I am thinking of tweeting my blog and blogging my Facebook status and well skipping my email altogether because it is too time consuming answering two email addresses worth of correspondence.

Behind in my To Do list at church- last ten days of confirmation class, finishing up life with our Intern, preparing for Rethink, got to write a sermon in there somewhere, and suddenly everyone I know is celebrating something so I have gifts to buy, wrap and give!

Behind, behind, behind... sigh...and mostly the busier I became this week the more I forgot the essentials like breathing, praying, reading my daily Psalm selection at www.youversion.com and well trusting that You-Know-Who is still in charge.

Maybe if I get behind enough...the end will meet up with the beginning and I can then say I am 'ahead'. What do you think? It could happen.

Shadow of God

God, your love is so precious!

You protect people in the shadow of your wing.

Psalm 36:6 NCV

El Shaddi, All Sufficient God,

draw me into the closeness of your presence.

Just the touch of Your shadow is sufficient.

You are cool shade to rest beneath

like a mighty tree by the water's edge.

You comfort with your stillness,

there I can lay my weary soul

and draw strength from Your presence.

Hope for my spirit.

Life for my soul.

Your shadow is enough...it is plenty.

Oddities in Conversation

I've spent the weekend with my number one daughter. Not that we don't spend every weekend together, but it was an all girls weekend for us! Here are a few quotable moments:

• Momma, you need to use your imagination! (when we were playing one of her many pretend games)
• Tell Duke to stop sniffing my bottom. Makes me so mad. (our dog gets very interested in how we smell when we come home)
• Why can't I wear my swimsuit now!? (repeated over and over again)
• I can do it myself. (in reference to just about everything except when she wants to be lazy)
• Mommy, you know that will make Daddy mad. (referring to the dandelions in the backyard)
• Can I lick the spoon? (after making a chocolate cake for Duke pup's birthday)

So, what messages have you heard this weekend?

Faith Muscle

Lent happened to me this year very differently than in year's past. And even though Easter has come among us once again...I still feel the weight and heaviness associated with a season of preparation, penance, and inner reflection.

Mostly that has to do with who I am called to companion this Lent and now Easter tide. A variety of people whom I love very much are dealing with really tough, hard things in their lives; illness of a child, loss of multiple jobs, diagnosis of a terminal disease, loss of financial security, struggles within a marriage relationship, and recovery from an eating disorder addiction. While these situations are not mine, they are happening to people whom I hold precious in my heart.

Thus, I feel called to be a spiritual companion these folks and their sorrow. And I am listening very hard for the Holy Spirit to guide me in this form of companionship. How to be present, what to say, what not to say, how to pray and what not to pray are my daily prayers of discernment.

This is heavy stuff. And I find like I do when I am building muscle strength in my yoga work- that I am stretching and strengthening muscles of my soul like never before. I have aches in my soul like I ache after a rigorous workout! I never realized that companioning others would re-condition my faith muscle. (Maybe burn some unwanted stuff like fat - that would be a bonus!) But this ministry I am about does indeed build muscle within.

Like athletes do after rigorous workouts- diet and hydration- become important for me as well. Muscles need fuel to grow strong. So too does my soul. What better food than a new and different Bible reading program! (see http://www.youversion.com/ to create yours) What better thirst quenching power than sharing in prayer with friends, my spiritual director, the Sophia Sisters, my covenant group, and my church-faith community!

Perhaps all this is God's way to make me become spiritually buff?!

Who knows, but at the least I hope my loved ones realize that they are not alone in the heavy burdens that they carry. They have a companion-helpmate in me.

May you be such a companion to those in your life.

Duke Blue Devils- Winners!

So excited for the Blue Devil seniors that they are now National Champions! What a fantastic game on Monday night! Wow- Bulter is a strong team and coached excellently!

It is interesting the Duke-hate that I and my team have experienced these past five days in Indianapolis. (There was a terrific Indy Star article about this over the weekend. And of course, the letter of apology from the Star's head editor to Coach K.) Why is it that we cannot be happy for those who are successful but choose (most often from our own jealousy) to tear them down?

Even my own spouse cheered for Butler because they were the underdog. Not too long ago Duke was the underdog. Fascinating how things turn around?! - isn't it?

He is Risen, Indeed!

No more sorrow, no more guilt, no more shame, no more weight, heaviness, no more pain.

He is risen!

No more darkness, no more hiding, no more dissonance, no more dis-ease.

He is risen!

Easter is the best day ever- ever! And I don't know about you but I want to be an Easter person- I want to be among Easter People.

Hope, life, life abundant, promise, healing, redemption, salvation, purpose, meaning... these are the gist and attitudes that come from a tomb being empty and a Savior who conquered sin and death!

He is risen, indeed!

Good Friday Confession

I am not who I want you to think I am. I am much, much worse.

I don't really love as I am called to love. You see, I give in too easily. I care more about what I want than what others want. I love my needs more than anything else. I believe I am the center of the universe. I especially don't like thinking about or striving to love my enemies... it is much easier and simpler to 'fake' loving my neighbors- you know- the people that are just like me.

And I boast. I brag, especially about the things I should not. You may not see it all the time, but I have a big head. I put myself and my ego first.

I get mad at the smallest thing. And I have a system of how to keep track of who has hurt me the most and the most often. I tend to look back instead of looking ahead which is how I can hold onto grudges.

I secretly enjoy when other people (even people who I love) have to grovel. Their groveling makes me feel better about myself.

I tend to exaggerate even when it borders on a lie it if will make me look better to others and myself.

I am rude and self-seeking. I am not very loving(I Corinthians 13).

I am not the disciple Jesus asks me to be. I have not fed the hungry. I drive by panhandlers and soup kitchens. I don't invest my time, energy, or finances in truly helping the poor.

I have not given a drink to the thirsty. I shy away from giving spiritual insight and wisdom to those who truly thirst for the knowledge, love and acceptance of God- especially those on the fringe of faith, church, etc. I am a poor apostle because I tend to stay inside the 'walls' of church. I do not evangelize as I am called to.

I am uncomfortable welcoming the stranger. I'd rather only welcome people I am familiar with or who are like me.

I have not clothed the naked. Dropping off clothes at Good Will does not count. I do not protect those who are most vulnerable and at high risk like children who've experienced abuse, the elderly or the dying.

I have not cared for the sick. The sick make me sick. I am ill at ease around them. I am too worried that I will get what they have and that scares me.

I have avoided visiting people in prison because it scares me too much and it takes too much time and it's well...to unsafe a thing to do(Matthew 25).

I am a Pharisee and a scribe- who is more interested in keeping the establishment (i.e. this franchise of the United Methodist Church and her rules which govern her) going than anything else.

I am the people in the crowded mob who cheered for Jesus one day with palm branches and then turned fickle, voted no and demanded his execution on Friday.

I am Judas who sold Jesus out because Jesus wasn't doing what I wanted nor what I expected him to do.

I am Peter who betrayed Jesus when he needed a friend to be there.

I am the disciples who scattered at the first sign of trouble, got lost in the crowds, and felt abandoned and betrayed by God.

I am not what you want in a pastor, leader, preacher, friend, wife, mother, daughter, sister confidant, neighbor or follower of Jesus. I am so sorry, but I am much, much worse. I am a sinner. I've done stupid, over and over again. I cannot seem to stop myself from doing stupid things.

I have failed at every loving and self-less thing I have every tried or attempted to do. I have especially failed at ridding myself of my sin, shame and guilt. I cannot do it myself.

I need... I need... I need God to do it for me. I need God to reach out to me. I need God to bridge the gap between the messiness of who I am and God's pure, loving holiness. I need God to take away my sin and give me a new and fresh beginning. I need God to destroy the consequences of my stupidity (so maybe you can forgive me and I can forgive myself) and I can have life abundant here and in the eternal life to come.

If you are anything like me- don't lie about this because it takes a liar to know a liar- we have this in common. We both need God. We are both sinners. We need God to make right what we cannot...

Our sin nails Jesus to the cross.

Our guilt drives the hammer.

Our shame pounds the nails.

We are the reason for His Death. He did what he did because he loves us.

This is why today is called, good.